(⚠️THIS IS NOT THE FINAL CHAPTER OF DEAR JAMES — ONE CHAPTER LEFT!⚠️)

Chapter Twenty: 

 

I couldn’t bring myself to tell James that I made a deal with a record label. Every time I looked at him, his ocean blue eyes and his charismatic grin made me decide against the idea. Things were great between the two of us and I didn’t want anything to change. I didn’t want James to get mad at me that I took money and fame over him. No. Not after how he felt when the video was posted. 

I spent the whole day keeping the thing a secret from him. If he asked anything about what happened while I was absent from class, I lied. I knew it was wrong. But, I could force the words from my mouth. I hated lying to James, but it was the only option. I know it shouldn’t, but lying comes easily to former delinquents. It’s almost a second language. 

After school, James offered to drive me home. Today, I declined but said he could do it tomorrow. You only have a few tomorrows left, Halo. I told him I would get a ride with Annie or Lissa, but, yet again, that was another lie. Instead, I decided to walk down the street to The Rusty Mug and buy some coffee. The only thing that would make me feel better is my pistachio latte. 

When I entered the building, the bell hanging over the door chimed, gaining the looks of some baristas behind the counter. Their heads perked up and immediately they knew what to make me. As they hurriedly worked to create my pistachio latte, I decided to sit down and listen to some fourteen-year-olds attempt karaoke. They were way too young to be sitting in a cafe by themselves, but that was their parents’ terrible decision. 

The two girls were standing on a tiny platform in the center of the cafe. They were both about my height, maybe a sliver taller, and sang (surprisingly beautifully) Ariana Grande’s “pov.” The girls hit the high notes angelically and sounded almost better than me. Almost. 

As they carried the tune, I drummed my hand on the table in front of me. One of the baristas came by and placed my coffee down. I reached in my pocket and handed her a five-dollar bill and said, “Keep the change,”

I casually sipped at my drink, inhaling the aroma and using it as a rejuvenating liquid. I was trying to find some peace with the decision I made earlier, but my stomach still had the churning, sickening feeling. Even after I got my favorite coffee. How are you going to tell him? How will he react if you tell him? 

“Halo Nelson,” a familiar voice murmured. 

I almost spit my coffee. When I turned and saw the voice, it was the signature strawberry blonde who almost ruined my friendship with James. She looked different somehow, even though it’s only been a month since the concert and she decided to completely ditch school after me and James’ performance. The look in her eyes was completely different from before, but still, I was determined not to let her get the better of me. She stood beside my table, wearing a pink, long-sleeved sweater with a black miniskirt, all while sporting Doc Martens on her feet. 

“Alice Anne,” I replied, not letting my guard drop in front of her. “What are you doing here? Are you going to get revenge on me for outshining you at the concert?”

Alice scoffed, almost laughing. “No, I would never do that,”

Not buying whatever scam this is, I narrow my eyes at her. “What game are you playing at?”

Alice sighed and gestured to the other seat at my table. “Mind if I sit?”

With my lips twisted into an unpleasant expression, I allowed her to be seated across from me. I leaned back in my chair, arms crossed. “I don’t trust you, you know,”

“That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest,” she said. “But, now that we’ve crossed paths, I want to apologize to you,”

Alice Anne…apologizing? To me? It seemed like those dreams you have when you’re on laughing gas: they’re so strange and bizarre. It felt like I was the pawn in her little game of chess, but I know Alice probably didn’t know how to play chess in the first place. Even though she’s rich, she doesn’t fit the stereotype entirely. 

“I want to say that I’m sorry,” Alice confessed. “For everything, for that matter. I was incredibly cruel and mean to you. You did nothing wrong, I was just jealous,”

“Jealous of me?” I asked, confused. What does Alice Anne have to be jealous of me about?

“I was jealous that you were taking James,” she atoned. “When he broke up with me, I wanted to get him back so bad. And then, I saw you two were talking a lot. It made me full of spite and bitterness. It was even worse when I found out you could sing,” Alice subtly teased. 

What she was saying was making sense to me. It seemed like something Alice would have done — because I lived it. But also, her apology to me doesn’t make up what torture she and her friends did to Annie freshman year. I still hold a grudge against her for that. Nothing is going to change my viewpoint on Alice Annie: she is spiteful, malicious, deceiving, and distasteful. 

I heaved a sigh. “I…forgive you,” I murmured. “But, your apology to me is nothing compared to what you and your gang of she-devils did to Annie,” I said, repeating the name of Alice’s lackeys my close friend had told me once. 

Alice bowed her head, clearly ashamed for her wrongs. “I agree. What I did to her was awful and I wish I could undo it.” she paused a moment before speaking again, thinking her words over carefully. “Ever since the concert, when you and James performed, it opened my eyes. I realized that what I was doing to you, Annie, and dozens of others, was me taking out my rage on other people because of things going on at home,”

“Oh, Alice,” I muttered. “I…I didn’t realize you were having trouble at home. I thought you were comfortable.”

“No, no, we are.” she clarified. “But, my parents are sort of going through a rough patch right now.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “If it makes you feel any better, my dad left when I was just a baby. So, I may not have witnessed exactly what you’re going through, but we have something somewhat in common,”

Alice smiled warmly, not devilishly like I normally would have seen. “Thanks,” she said. “I bet ever since the concert you’ve got millions of record labels wanting you to sign with them, right?” she asked, grinning wider. 

I almost told her what I did today, but I bit my tongue. I wasn’t ready to tell that many people about the record label yet. I wasn’t sure how to tell them because it’s such a sketchy topic. I would have to move all the way across the country for this, and for me to tell my friends that…it was too much. 

I forced a chuckle from my mouth. “Yeah, if only,” I lied. 

Alice took a sip of her coffee. “Hey, you want to do something crazy?”

“Depends on what you define as ‘crazy,’” I replied. 

She jutted her chin in the direction of the small platform where the fourteen-year-old girls sang earlier. With a grin on her face, she said, “Want to do some karaoke and make this joint scream our names?”

“Of course!” I told her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Alice and I finished our coffee and we walked up to the small platform. Once we were on stage, the man working the karaoke machine asked us what song we wanted to sing. With just one look at each other, Alice told the man, “We want to sing Britney Spears’ Baby One More Time,”

“Cool. Nice selection,” the man said. He definitely had a few cups of caffeine judging by his jitteriness and high amount of energy. It reminded me of James. But, I quickly pushed the thought away and grabbed a microphone. 

 

Alice and I attracted a lot of attention after our song. I guess we made a better duo than we would have thought. More than a dozen more people strolled in after we sang a second song. Our Britney Spears duet caught the attention of the baristas behind the counter. They all started singing along with us. 

By now, the cafe was packed shoulder-to-shoulder with customers. I decided to leave and get ready for bed, for it was almost nine o’clock and Mom would kill me if I got home past curfew. 

“I had fun tonight, Halo,” Alice said, speaking to me as if we were old pals. 

“Me too,” I replied, smiling. 

We said our goodbyes as I exited the cafe, feeling like my world had come full circle. Everything was perfect. Alice and I are practically best friends now after singing a whole round of karaoke, I have my grades in school up to B’s, and I have a steady relationship with the most popular guy in school, as well as a deal with a record label under my sleeve. 

The returning thought of James and the record label made the churning feeling in my stomach come back. I felt like I was going to be sick. Why can’t I just tell him outright? What is stopping me? 

It’s because you love him, dummy. 

I love James. I had never said it out loud, but I only assumed he knew it. He had told me that in the car when we first kissed. I didn’t say anything back because I was still trying to comprehend what had even happened. But, if I love him, shouldn’t this be easier? 

When I got home, Mom was already asleep. It was nine-thirty, which was way past her normal bedtime. I walked up the stairs and tiptoed into her room, seeing her passed out in bed. I walked up to my mother and gave her a kiss on the forehead before turning into my bedroom.

Once I changed into pajamas, I laid in my bed. I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours. Years. Decades. Centuries. I couldn’t find it in myself to fall asleep. Something was nagging at me, and I knew perfectly well what it was. 

I have to tell James what happened. 

“But I can’t tell him outright,” I murmured to myself. 

I sat up in bed, the moonlight shining through the exposed glass in my windows. I tried to think of a way to tell James about the record label. I gazed over at my desk, a pile of paper and a jar of pens just begging to be used. 

A letter? Come on, Halo. This is real life, not the movies. 

“It’s the only other option,” I whispered to no one again. 

I got out of bed, turned on my lamp, and sat at my desk. Once I clicked on one of the pens, I began scribbling everything that had happened on the paper. I wrote down everything from the money, to music, to the part why I couldn’t tell him. I hoped that when I gave him this, he would understand why I took the opportunity.

Dear, James…